The story thus far . . .

The story thus far . . .

A chronological yet completely without context account of the Colonel’s history . . .

Friends, let us come together and rejoice.
Some of you may have heard the tragic events that befell our house
yesterday evening. The Daily Show could not be watched. The televisions
betrayed us with their tricks, as televisions are wont to do.
Yet fear not! Hope shines it's glorious rays down over our small urban
family. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the right-wing pundit,
I shall fear no gross distortion of fact, for cable is with us. Much as
Job was tested, so have we been. And we have emerged victorious, with
the glory of free(cable)dom ringing out on all sides.
Amen.

In the interest of mitigating--to the extent that it is possible--the disastrous impact of yesterday's inexplicable events on our collective psyche, I suggest we follow through on the idea of having a post-election house dinner sometime soon. Seriously, I think we all need to be surrounded right now by intelligent, progressive-minded people who will help us get through this. What do everyone's weeks look like, this week and next?

i just want to say that i've missed you and (like josh) i apologize for not delivering florida to you. one thing that makes my grief one degree less is that i know we did all that we could. small victories...

it has been proposed and discussed that we do a house meet-and-eat tomorrow everning. how does everyone feel about this idea? wait, let me rephrase that. barring major objection voiced within the next twelve hours, assume that at 7:30 tomorrow, we will be sitting down together nicely to have dinner together and discuss the implementation of our new chore chart and to write our official statement of secession from the union. so be there, and wear something presentable.

No major objections having been voiced, be it hereby resolved that we, the residents of the Colonel Mustard, shall begin the process of meeting and eating at 7:30 this evening in the aforementioned Mustard-based residence. Absent a quorum, we shall declare martial law and institute a mandatory early morning calisthenics program. There, square--you get the picture.

Also, I'm trying my best to refrain from writing down an agenda.
we'll see if i can manage to make it through the day....

i can summarize stephen king's interview on the daily show: stewart joked about king being so happy and suggested maybe someone gets killed with a baseball.

right, so obviously my email doesn't apply to everyone who received it
- i meant to reply just to tyler. but its friday afternoon, so
clearly John, you are now a "young hip dyke".

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
HHHHHHHHHHH!

I’m A YOUNG HIP DYKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, how about some Hanukah Menorah lighting fun on Sunday night? what
say you? I'll make buckets of potato pancakes, and we can play
dreidel and throw back the manischevits and invite anyone who would be
interested in those sorts of vaguely unsecular activities

FYI - Mouse traps are now set up under the sink and behind the
toaster, based on my mouse sleuthing. So don't stick your fingers
behind the toaster!

ooh! ooh! i love jews and their jewishness!! mmmmm... maneshevitz... the sweetest wine... auurghhhhhhh (homeresque drooling)...

Actually two mice went down. The trap behind the toaster caught one, but he did not immediately expire. I had to put him out of his misery. It was extremely un-fun. Shortly thereafter, Lisa, Shelly, Lyndsey and I gathered in the backyard and laid Shamus/Clifford to rest with a short memorial service followed by his burial slightly to the Left of the bottom of the back stairs. Feel free to leave him some flowers or say some kind words over his wee grave, because poor Shamus/Clifford did suffer a bit before I could get to him and give him rest. He and his Tostitos-bandit friend are frolicking along the counters of heaven today, leaving little turds all over the place!

ohhhh... now i feel bad because yesterday morning i added cheese to the mousetraps (on top of the peanut butter). so i too am an accomplice to mousy suffering.
farewell seamus and clifford (the first mouse should get one of the names- it's not fair for the second one to have both!)

Thank you Josh and John for allowing me to avoid seeing dead mice, while at the same preventing them from continuing to eat our food. Maybe at this point what we need to do is eliminate as much as possible of the food source we are providing. I don't think they get into the cupboard - so cleaning up the kitchen should do it. I'll spend some time this weekend. Maybe we can wait and see if there is continued evidence of mice before setting more traps.

oh yeah--my sister will be around this weekend, so if you see a girl with lots of curly red hair and a midwest accent raiding the fridge or passed out on the futon or something, don't call the cops.

Is he ditching the Mormon???

A house party. I can schedule my friend from Philly's band to
play at our house for basically gas money (and I'll cook them dinner
too...) I saw them play at staccato last month, and it was more fun
that a can of tuna in a tiger cage. What do y'all think? Tentatively
the best dates would be the weekend of Feb 19th or 20th.

excited that the tree is coming down! I think it is awesome that we have/had a tree at all… it makes me very happy to see it all the time, but lately I have this weird lingering fear that it is a fire-hazard! Ahhhhhh! It scares me!
Oh, fear of trees, how do you distract me from work???
Ah, like I need fear of trees.

by the way - i'm now totally addicted to alias and bought season 3. i feel like i want to blame it on Tyler - but she's really not all that much of a pusher.

just thought you'd like to know the electricity is back on. ;) so
everyone can come home tonight. ;)

thanks for being there for me last night. i'm feeling fine today,
maybe a little shaken still. sorry i had to talk to the cops during
both daily shows. ;)

same band (cheese on bread). Buddy of mine from high school - the
band is based in NYC/philly.

so i think its time to start compiling a guest list for the dreaded Evite.

mmmm... cheese on bread. i'm hungry... oh! yeah, good plan. party.
band. dj. c'mon, you know i'm always down. ;) so, uh... no theme?
can't we make people dress in some sort of costume? retro, drag,
pirate, abstract, general costume, middle-school dance???
something????

http://www.cheeseonbread.com/

I don't think shelly will be there - unless lots of people decide that having dental work done while's it's snowing is just too awful. but perhaps we can video phone her in to achieve a UN quorum.

hello all.
there is a bike in my room.
also, I didn't spend any pesetas, which is good since I don't think they're even valid currency anymore.

my first loyalty is to my office softball team, but kickball would be super fun as long as it doesn't conflict...hmmmm.

YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! KICKBALL!
WOOHOO! THAT'S AWESOME!

i'm am so excited. we should totally play... i am going to the site
now...

"We had such a blast in DC and Philly. Thank you Tyler, Josh, and all
the DC heads, your party was to rival Animal House.... and your
hospitality to rival New Englands most sumptuous of B&B's"

Dan from Cheese on Bread: - this weekend was amazing. tour with the bloodsugars. jason
rabinowitz is my favorite boy voice in all of new york. his band is
incredibly badass. we played a bacchanalian houseparty in dc. dancing
and singing into the wee hours with capitol area activists and
lesbians. there was love had by many."

it is only too bad that the love had by many was had in my bed and
without me.

You should also bring beer, if you want to drink beer. You should not bring wine. Wine is for sissies. Unless you want some. Then you should bring it.

ok, so it sounds like lisa got a hold of sumi and they will be sending
someone to check out my leaking ceiling problem either today or
tomorrow. just wanted to let you know... more info to follow as it
becomes available.

my dearest homies,
I am sorry to tell you that I have decided to leave DC & will be moving
out of the house at the end of May. The call of the west is just too
strong for me to resist. I have enjoyed all of your company and will
miss you terribly.

ok, i'm leaving work and i didn't want you to worry or anything (mer is
the only one who has responded so far)
so...
if you read my last email, here is my response:
APRIL FOOLS! ;) hehehehe... like i would leave our house...

well shit. now we have to find someone else who is okay with having a
shower leak on them all night.

I was so ready to kick your ass tyler.
i'm glad you haven't actually succumbed to the call of the west coast.

Lyndsey has been in withdrawal from Loren... she hasn't had anybody to
talk with about her desire to keep bees and make honey.

good point. i think we will be able to work something out though.
maybe if we start/end earlier (enforcing a stop to the music) and give
more advance notice to the bitchy neighbors... even meeting with them
in person so they don't just send a stupid letter. august 5th is a
friday, which might be better than saturday. and besides that - SCREW
them! ;) maybe we could just tie them up & gag them...

yaykickball!

a few of us kickballers last night discussed adding our significant
others to the email group so that we can communicate with them as
well. what do you guys think? I think it would be great to be able to
inundate lyndsey, loren, kevin, and shelly with messages as easily as
my homies.

well, I am just going to have to add one more reason to the ever-growing list of all the good that can come of making-out.
Number 672: Inclusion in exclusive groups named after fictitious characters from board games.
awesome.